A doubleee Bang ;

2010-05-08T03:19:00.000-07:00

im so sorry i dint update this blog. i dint even update my OWN blog. things in school for ashley is getting worse i guess, due to the wall to wall with she and florence. for me, everything is normal. friendship a bit drama here and there. but then, after a while, everything is settle. so yeah. hmm.. how's life peeps? seriously, enjoy it when you can. life is complicated!

Save me before I pled on for more ;

2010-03-26T18:05:00.000-07:00

Hey there. I know it has been a long time since this blog is updated and I updating it. I'm sorry. But now I'm here to update it as much as i can. (:

The story of our lives now are not that simple and not that complicated. I guess i can say, it's normal?

Okay so what is there to blog?

Sien wei-taken
Ashley- taken.

what is there to blog? Sien wei, you and I both have the same thing. haha. Your ahem is in another school. so as mine.. hahaa.

I have nothing to blog laah. haiyoo.

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

2010-03-07T00:04:00.000-08:00

I miss you!!

I HATE YOU, bitch.

2010-02-05T19:53:00.000-08:00

literaly, missing you baixiao. ashley.. i want time to fly back to 2008 or maybe 2009? can one day become 2008 again? can everyone just go back to baixiao and step on those table, becoming the monitor, go to teacher's table and kacau those teachers, wearing our school uniform with baixiao logo on it, running around the whole school chasing the person then just pulled our hair (is always a guy tho), having a shoulder next to you whenever you need it and times where we laugh like nobody's buisness, not scared of any discipline teacher anymore again? times where when you have friendship problem there's always at least a friend around you ; when you have love problem everyone single one of your close friends will be right next to you. can we still have that in secondary now? whenever we have problems, no matter what kinda problem. we end up going back to each other cause baixiao will always be there. AshleyNgKhengLei, SeeSienWei, FlorenceChiengSzeMei, CarinGanYeZhuan, NicoleLimKahYi, ChongQiaoLi, ChongWeyJean (she im not so sure, oh well!), AuZhengYang, NgSheaZheng, SiahBenJing, LeeYewFei..

now in secondary when i cant reach you guys, im glad i have you baboon. you lighted up my day, always. ily <3

well, ofcourse baixiao iloveyou, too. (:

2010-01-29T21:48:00.000-08:00

nothing's gona change my love for you?
now i get it why some girls like to stick with her boyfriends's friend then her own friends. :/

It feels different now ;

2010-01-23T02:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Sien Wei,
I know how it feels like. It's okay. Everything will be alright. On the bright side you have your friends. They'll keep your mind off that situation for a while. He's not that far away. If you look at it, he's still in Malaysia. I hope things would be alright for you.

Love, Ashley (:

Dear Blog,
It's been ages since i last felt like this. Is it cause I'm actually in love? Like taking it seriously after that harsh break up i had back last year. No, it's not with that jerk from my school. I don't wanna mention no name here.. Sorry.. At the moment, I'm with someone, but something feels weird, different. I'm shy, and shy and shy whenever it comes to him. We talk so much through msn and phone but not when it comes to school. Why? On the other hand, I have this feeling, whenever i see him with her. It's not a jealousy type of feeling. One of my friend realized what was the issue. She knows how it feels like... But does he? I don't wanna mess everything up by telling him cause i know i will. Honestly, i don't know how to tell you.. I don't wanna hurt you at the same time. It's your first and i know how it feels like to lose something. I read his letter that he gave me the other day. It was kinda sad and sweet. I almost cried.. Yes, i did cry eventually. My heart was crying. I wasn't tearing, as i don't wanna worry my friend. Things are different. My feelings might be different too.Oh dam this thing. Everything is messed up and screwed it. so Bloggie, what should i do?

Love, Ashley(:

Oh yeah, so this is the story of my love life. It's complicated & it hurts.

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

you are .. far away

2010-01-08T18:57:00.000-08:00

school's started a week already. i was wondering during the holidays how am i gona feel like studying in school without you around? normally you'll be just at the ground floor, in your class studying or sometimes you'll just suddenly pop up in front of me. now, it won happen anymore. :/

since school start you've been coming after school to see me, make me feel like you're not gone after all. but what about next week? your collage is gona start next time. you wont have time to come back EVERYDAY after school to see me. what am i gona do when i miss you? what am i gona do when i need someone to cheer me up in school?

we cant share milo ice in the same canteen sitting to each other with my friends, teasing eveyone and laugh like shit anymore. we cant be argueing in school for some little things and end up you always let me win. we cant be walking around in school together. we cant stay in class alone every wednesday and fridays anymore. we cant wait for each other after school .. everyday.

what am i gona do everytime i walk pass your class?
everything comes into my mind.

Stop killing me from the inside ;

2009-12-28T08:55:00.000-08:00

If this is a game, i would want it to end now. I don't know why. why I'm feeling this waay. I can't talk to you like how i used to when we were just friends. I know we still do talk loads, but on MSN. We used to laugh&chat in school. or whenever we meet each other. now is just like. bbllah. we have nothing to say to each other.

If you guys don't know, we have been more than friends, more than best friends. and yes, that's why we get all nervous around each other. I hope this would stop. BUT HEY, I LOVE YOU OKAY!

Don't worry Sien wei, I still love you ((:

btw, Sien wei, which collage is yours going?!

I remembered that day, the day when you suddenly held my hands. I remembered the first day we hugged. i remembered how we met, it was funny, I'm even laughing now as i look back. maan, oh maan. It just feel like magic when I'm with you. It feels different from the others. Especially DK that fish maan.

All i can say is, Sien wei, you're in love, so am i.

Ashley signing off

tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

I can run away but i can't hide ;

2009-12-21T17:44:00.000-08:00

I've tried everything I could. But yet.. why am i feeling this way?! Seeing him laughing and able to talk to other people so well.. but when it comes to me. we go speechless. Oh boooy, maybe we weren't meant to be.. I can't even say hi on Msn. I'll wait. but nothing comes up. looking at your name. still, nothing appears on my screen.

I dont know how to describe this feeling of mine. yes, I love you.. but still. I mean. I can't even talk to you.. my mind jsut goes blank whenever i see you. I don't know what to do. My friends are telling me you have the same feeling too.. and as i said boy, maybe we weren't meant to be...

I've cried for days, hours, minutes, seconds.. I'm losing a best friend & I'm scared of this love game I'm in... I know not all relationship is perfect. Friends come and go. i know i know. but.. what I don't know is how to handle it. I said i do. but it's a lie.

CRYING MY SOUL OUT!

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

2009-12-05T00:37:00.001-08:00

a person with no achievements feels so useless. now i want is a little bit of achievements so i can tell myself that i can do it! but.. i dont even know what the hell am i good at. all i can is dance and play the piano, is that all?! what can i write about that in my achievements page?! im such a failer. ):

2009-11-22T02:13:00.000-08:00

i'll always be your listener ashley. write on my wall ; ring me up or anything, just tell me whatever complication you're having and i'll try my very best to make you feel better. (: we are apart but our heart isnt, it'll always link together when we need each other.

I can't stop lying to myself ;

2009-11-19T04:50:00.000-08:00

I've been trying so hard to let you know that you were the one that is ruining everything. Daamn. You seem to ignore us so much. what do you want? You've changed. But. oh damn, i dont know. I feel like you 're looking down at me or something.

Sien wei, i dont know what to do, i need to tell you something.. about my feelings towards somebody. =/ everything is going too fast.! :(

Ashley signing off

tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

all I can say,

2009-11-13T23:11:00.000-08:00

I MISS YOU, ASHLEY NG KHENG LEI! <3

I always thought it was too late ;

2009-11-05T03:35:00.000-08:00

I remember the day when i pormised myself not to love you anymore.
Not cause of your past,
Not cause of how you react..
It's just how you treated me.

I didn't wanna fall in love with you,
But my heart has fallen once again.
I didn't say yes,
Cause I don't wanna break.

I know you love me so much till you cried,
but please,
don't stalk me..

I understood how you felt when i left you.
Honestly,
I still miss you.

I tried to rethink about my answer to your question.
But..
It always says NO..

But now, i've made my decision..
How can i know whether he is the right one??!
Oh i dont know..

SIEN WEI,
I really need to talk to youu...
There's some news for you..
and i know you'll start screaming..
cause that's what my other friend did...
Be prepared.! (:

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

life

2009-10-27T02:42:00.000-07:00

my exam is finnaly over!? God, it took me ages. sighh.. and because of that. i dint read ashley's message on time! Darl, im so sorry. i would to help/hear what happen to you. but.. is okay if is solved. (:
life's boring
life's scary
life's sometimes meaningless
life's full of memories

It feels like forever ;

2009-10-12T20:22:00.000-07:00

He said he still loves me,
He said he'll wait,
He said he knows that I'm the one.

I said I dont love him,
I said I wont wait,
I said I know that he isn't my one.

All those stuff i said,
it's all a lie.
Somehow,
I still love you..

When i heard the news that you had a new one,
My heart was breaking,
My heart was shattered.
I promise myself i wouldnt cry cause
I know i was the wrong one.

I said i shall face you strongly,
I know you'll be visiting soon,
and I'm ready to stand the pain.
I wasn't like this last time..
Somehow,
You make me feel like you are the one..

I'm confuse.

Whenever i hear your name,
i ignore. Cause i know that my heart would break
when i think of the past.
Whenever i go back to the place where we met,
I told myself not to think of it.
Whenever school's over,
i used to know that you'll be there..
but not anymore..

I wanna explain it to you,
but i can't..
cause i know it was my fault.
and i dont wanna ruin your new one.

The reason i argued with you,
is cause i dont want to remember the past..

I told myself that you're just an ordinary friend.
Nothing more than that,
Nothing happened between you and I.

On the other hand,
there's another person.
I'm a mess..
I know.
I confess.
All I'm trying to do is being honest with you.

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

i cant believe it,

2009-10-09T03:38:00.000-07:00

you forgotten about it.

i thought i really can let go of you, but.. seriously after the 8th. i realise i cant. it was suppose to be just a normal day. i keep on teling myself it was. until my friend asked you "Is today special?", you said "no" and gave her a blur face.

you forgotten about the 8th. after i knew i actually when moody and felt like im lost in the jungle again. i thought i let it go? i actually dint ..

tears dropped again because of an asshole then dint bother.

Is a secret!

2009-10-05T04:02:00.000-07:00

I LOVE YOU <3

I don't want to fall back into the past ;

2009-09-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

If i give you a simple smile,
will your heart skip a beat?
If i give you a bouquet of flowers,
will you accept me?
If i give you my heart,
would you take good care of it?

It's been a while since i've blogged this blog. I can see Sien Wei is having issues, yet i dont understand something. As for my life, recently, Dk and I were chatting and he told me he missed me. and also mention that he still likes me. and we got into a fight after that and it was late and i don't want to reply and the next day, a guy from my school which knows Dk, came asking me to talk to Dk. and mention about him crying over me?! and that guy started telling everyone. and now everyone is bugging me about this. so, Sien Wei, i've updated you. and I've updated the blog.
Oh yeah, one more thing, we got into a bigger argument today. and he didn't wanna talk to me again.

So, i guess everything is fine?! i guess that is fine?!

On the other hand, I've told Yf about this situation, and he helped me out, he manage to cheer me up. That day, when we were chatting, it was our very first long chat ever since we broken up. It was nice, it was fun, it was sad, it was weird.. but .. i really enjoyed every single second of that long conversation. Maybe it's time for me to move on. I guess.. I just gotta accept the fact that this is life, reality. I'm no longer that small little girl that believe in fairy tales. that always have a prince charming and a happy ending..

and once again, Sien wei, is this fine? Yes it is.. Cause I'm used to it? NO! it's cause i have lovely friends that always cheer me up. they made random, sick long conversations. ! (:

He was my morning sun,
He was my moaning one;
He's eyes used shine brightly,
But not anymore ;

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

i cant believe i actually did it.

2009-09-19T01:05:00.000-07:00

im sorry but i've done it. i told you off and i felt happier. as days goes by i feel akward seeing you in class and talking to you. i said we're still close friend and we can tell each other everything like last time. i hope we can really be. i know you feel hurt and dissappointed cause i said we will get back together is just the matter of time. but, i broke the promise. im sorry. i cant help it seeing you everyday in class looking at me and give me the face that you're missing me. i know you'll get over it. cause that's what everyone says.

i'll be happy for you if you do find someone else in future.

iloveyou.

I dont want to let it go, but i have to ;

2009-09-18T09:31:00.000-07:00

I've tried my best not to think of you,
I said i will move on,
I can't.

Give me some hints,
what do you want me to do?
You haven't reply my text,
and we seldom talk now.

Each day,
I stare at the laptop,
wondering,
when will you ever start the conversation?

I know it's stupid of me doing this
and waiting here.
I know that my heart might break,
but...
I can't do anything...

Just someone,
tell me to let this go.
Or teach me.
Cause i need it so much.

Memories of you just came to me,
and i started looking back at the stuff you gave me one again,
what can i say next?
I've started tearing
When I'm typing.

It's so so so Difficult.
I really want an answer : (

Ashley signing off

tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

Could it be that nothing's gonna change? ;

2009-08-31T08:06:00.000-07:00

helloo earth! (:
How have you guys been?
I know i know. Haven't been updating this blog yeah?
Shall i update with love or what?
Hmmmm..

I said I've moved on and doesn't like him anymore.
But, it's a white lie.
I've confessed to you the other day,
No replies.
and if this Saturday party is on,
Stuff would be really awkward.
I know I've made things more complicated.
But..
but..
It's cause I just wanna pour my heart out and tell that person how i feel.

It isn't easy keeping it inside.
You can type it out,
Tell it to your friends.
But somehow,
It still doesn't feel right.

Okay. enough! Enough with those stuff.
Okay, to the "Guest" reveal yourself now!
haha. i'm just joking.
but it'll be nice for you tell us who you are.
and i think Sien Wei is way hotter. =P
Wow-weeeeee. Hot hot hot. ahh.
((:

ijdcsnjdsuhihx
I'm seriously going crazy.!
Why?
Stupid NSZ! annoying me....!!

Anyway,people people people!!
Any love problem? Life problem?
We might help you out! ((:
Yes, right here at this blog.
So tell us through the cbox, comments or email. will give you the email if you want to. just tell us (:

Ashley signing off

tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

truth is the truth, let's face it.

2009-08-21T23:58:00.000-07:00

you still think we have a chance, i seriously hope that we do have. but.. im not sure about that. we made 3 promises. i remember, im keeping it. i know you are. you've been trying so hard to get my attention and keep on reminding me about those promises. you know how hard is it for me to NOT think about it?! but.. you just have to make it happen.

you know we might not get back, but.. you keep on giving yourself silly hope. im happy you're putting me in the first place no matter what. truth is the truth, you know you dont understand me enough; you know what's the problem; you know what i said, i mean it; you know whatever you're trying to do now.. just.wont.work.

let's just get back to reality, put our fairytale back into that box and keep it inside our memory.

I never knew ;

2009-08-16T08:13:00.000-07:00

I thought it was just me.
I thought you needed time.
I thought i needed time.
I thought you would wait.

Thoughts thoughts thoughts.
It's just thoughts.
Why am i thinking so much
when i know i broke your heart ;

Something isn't right with me.
When i heard the news,
I was happy for you.
At the same time sad..
It's so weird..
One moment you said you wanna wait.
the other second you said you liked someone else.

You said we will be best friends.
You will be good friends.
But i don't see any friendship between us.

I don't know why,
Every time when I'm facebook,
i just gotta click on your profile.
I don't know how to explain this feeling.

This is why i decided to end it.
I have feelings for to people at once.
How can i not be unfaithful?!
You don't understand when i explain.
You don't wanna listen to my explanation.
You don't want to be my friend anymore.

I don't know how shall i explain this whole feeling of mine.
It's weird.
It's funny.
It's confusing.

I feel so lost.
I feel like a lost dog.
A dog that is trying to find the feeling.
I used to be so happy,
I used to be brave.
And I'm not like that now.
My heart is breaking
so as my mind.
I couldn't stop thinking of them.
I couldn't let him go.
I couldn't let may 28 go.
I couldn't let April 8 go either.
Why am I in this love??
Why am I in love?
Tell my why.

I've tried everything i could.
I've tried being strong.
I've tried being me.
I've tried to hide my feelings.
But i just couldn't do all.
It's not me.
I'm not me.
I don't know who am i anymore.
I don't know what happened to me.
I really miss that guy.
i really miss may 28.
I know we won't be an item anymore,
but i don't know why I'm trying so hard
to tell you that i really want you
and need you.
Will you give me a shot?

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

you. are. so,

2009-08-16T02:40:00.000-07:00

anoyying!!

i dont know what to do with you, i dont know what to say about you, i dont know WHO ARE YOU now. please, just let me go. im not the angel you are looking, im not your angel at all. you understand a totally different girl; and i want a totally different boy.

I don't want to be the one who always say too much, I don't want to pick up the pieces when we break ;

2009-08-13T22:10:00.000-07:00

Update time;

Hey guys, Ashley here blogging.
So i read Sien wei,
What's up? Is everything alright?
Anyway, things are always so complicated ;
You thought you love that someone, but..
it was just a friendly type of love..

I do believe that love is just so sweet and everything,
But i guess. I've been confused so many times and been breaking my heart a lot of times
that till now I've not recovered from it yet;

Life is just like that.
You gotta live with it.
You gotta deal with it.
and you gotta appreciate it.
There's it's ups and downs,
but if you look at it,
it's actually really meaningful
to all those ups and downs;

Like me, i had my ups and downs with that someone special,
and it was actually a memorable ups and downs.
It got me giggling when i thought of it.
and the next thing i would do is to tell myself that
those ups and downs were actually the most memorable time of my life. The stuff he gave me, it was seem to tell me like he will always be there. but i can't count on him. so why wait?! dammn. i should really move on like how he wishes me to;

I did tried to move on, but i've hurt someone.
It wasn't nice, and it wasnt easy to move on.
Oh wonder how did he do it?!

As i watch a drama series everyday, it almost relate to this,
I don't know why, but it did.
It was sweet, hurtful and funny;
Weird huh?
Your life seem to relate to a drama series;
Oh well..

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

complicated, is the word

2009-08-11T02:46:00.000-07:00

i hate that i love you man. what the hell is this? i thought we were met for each other and now you made things worst! why you have to go to the teacher? why must you reject the teacher?! why must you be so obssess? why must you make me feel so guilty!? fine, im telling you the truth here! istillloveyou, happy?! yes, i do. but.. i dont dare to get back, you understand how it feels?!

you dont!! not at all! im hurt, cause im in love with an idiot that dosent understand. and yet, i still miss you when you're not around. you're having fever and i feel so weird when you're not in class. wtf is this man! im pissed at you cause you keep on bugging, you dont understand and is space!? it dosent mean stay away from me means give me SPACE!! even if you still talk to me, im fine with it. but.. please. stop making things worst. i dont have just YOU to worry about. i have my family, my friends, my LIFE!

if you do understand me, you'll know what to do and when to ask. im afraid you dont understand. so how am i suppose to accept you again? i really dont know, i really dont want to get hurt again. ): im sorry. i guess, im not the angel you're looking for. angel keep people save and happy. but.. i dont give you happiness, i somehow made you an emo freak. god, im the worst girlfriend/ex in the world!

please, get well soon.

Ashley, you're coming to my house during the holidays! (:

Just get a life ;

2009-08-05T21:09:00.000-07:00

Hey hey hey! I hate you ! I hate that freaking male bitch. i won't say who is it. but you guys should guess. anyway, I wanna update this blog but i have nothing to update. let me see.

I'm Hungry Now!
I'm tired!
I'm hating that male ass bitch!!

What else can i say??

There was a time when i thought you were different. when i thought you would understand, but i guess i was wrong. and I'm wrong for falling in love with you that time; GET A LIFE!

Ashley signing off

tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

Forgive my weakness ;

2009-08-03T19:53:00.000-07:00

It felt so much better when he was gone. I felt like I'm finally free and I felt like it's my time to shine, to find the answers to my questions, to make sure my heart isn't confuse ;

He said he was about to do it to but changed his mind. He said he was okay. But i know he really isn't okay. I showed my sister what he said, and she said that he changed his mind because he loved me a lot. Well, I'm actually happier now cause I've told him the truth and everything. I was never happy when i was with him cause I'm not over my pass, how am i suppose to start a new beginning in the present? This is my point of view, but i don't know about you guys. Well, I do have a complicated life but whenever i explain it to someone, they wouldn't really understand.. It's too complicated that no one knows how it is.

FREEEEEEEE!

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

i care for you more than you can say ;

2009-08-01T00:02:00.000-07:00

heyhey. sorry la, always ashley update. dear ah dear, you now having holiday you know! im still studying very "hard" here. hahaha. so no time update lorr. Lol. pei sei! hahahaha. speaking of holidays. sersiously hope my school holiday come fast! then ashley, YOU can come over to my house! hahahaha

sarah lim, qiao li and all plan to have a hang out during holiday too. wonder i can go. if can i want to have my own hang out. Lol. carin birthday is next month. hope she's having a party. (: glad that now everyone is enjoying secondary life. besides, some particular problems. the rest are great, right? Lol.

everyone says that secondary 1 and 2 are honeymoon year. hahaha. i guess i kindna figured it out? im being naughty nowadays! sighh. breaking rules, ignoring teachers! OMG!! what happened to me!? ashley, slap me man. im being a naughty girl. wake me up! somehow im becoming bitchy-er too. hahaha. silly me, right? calling myself a bitch. Lol.

& to say I hate you, would be a lie.;

2009-07-31T07:31:00.000-07:00

It was like, I'm breaking. My heart and i don't know why. There was no use of this anymore. I didn't know what to do.. I don't want to go back to the pass. I don't want to be in the present either. And I can't go to the future now.

How can i just forget in 7 months. 1 year relationship is really long. If you believed that i was really over you, then.. yeah.. if you don't. you are right. i'mnot really over you yet.. I don't know how many people actually knows this.. but i think now that some people do knows it now. It's hard for my to move on, It's hard for me to control my feelings and mostly It's hard for me to pretend that I've moved on. I've tried to forget about you. but i can't.. Why are you like that? Why? Why must i be so so weak??

Sometimes, I listen to songs, watch movies. There's always like something related to my situation or how I'm feeling. This is the difficult part. I cry and cry and cry... Just for stupid songs and movies. Isn't CRAZY? I don't know how to express it out here.. I don't know how to say it.. but. yeah. There was a time when i saw you. and i heard your voice.. I thought i was in a dream. and yes, i was actually in a dream. I was dreaming about you.. and i don't know why.. is it cause i'm missing you too much? It can't be.Oh i don't know. i'm a confuse girl again;

I'm the one who caused this pain myself. I was the one who chose the path to pretend to forget about him. But, i can't..it's difficult now. seriously.. it is.. i don't know what to do.. someone please help me. =/

Ashley signing off

tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

They said it was easy... but was it really that easy? ;

2009-07-28T02:35:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but i feel like you and me, will end soon.. It's cause, I haven't been feeling the way i do last time.. I still don't get you after these 4 months together.. Just because I'm busy and I don't get to talk to you then you don't like me? If it's that way, then what the hell is the use. I wonder why am I doing this? Why am I falling for you? Why..

It's really difficult for me to tell you this.. But. honestly, you seem to ask me to do stuff i don't want to which you want. And when I said I won't do it, you just said we will do it together... and it got into my nerves more.. Why do you always want to get what you want? What about me? Have you thought about me? Have you? I don't think so. You say you do, but to me, you aren't.. Do you know how annoying,hurtful it is..? It was my mistake to choose you just to forget someone; and I guess, I'm gonna do it today, I'm gonna let him know that it's over.. or maybe after i call Sien Wei;

It's not cause of he leaving. It's cause how he treats me and everything. Some of you might say that it's my fault too because i used him just to forget someone. Yes, it is.. But.. it's because... forget that someone is so difficult and i learned from this lesson that you can't just forget someone by dating someone else.. I can't pretend that I've moved on when i didn't.. I can't do this alone. I need someone.. and i thought getting someone new might be it.. but.. i guess.. no..

I don't know what to do.. I need some advice from somebody.. I need to talk to someone.. I need that someone to help me out.. I don't want him in my life anymore.. He's been ruining it and i couldn't see it. Well, maybe not ruining it but he is starting to.. and my feelings are telling me the right way is to break up. and i have faith in this feeling.. but still, i need to talk to Sien wei about this..

To sien wei for the early post reply: I really miss everything in primary. It was so lovely, unforgettable. I never felt like this before. The feeling of being alone. The relationships back then was indeed lovely,tight.. but there were up and downs too, don't forget about that (: Yes we both were monitors which kinda sucked for me.. Cause everyone was just blaming me for stuff.. Life, simple word, yet really painful. it just changes in a blink of an eye. just a SNAP and we are facing a teenage life, a life that might be worst.. Perfect, another word. No one is perfect..nothing is perfect.. so why are we even trying to make it perfect? not we.. why me.. It's really nice to see everyone moving from primary to secondary but at the same time, I feel like I'm alone.. Well, yes I'm alone in a school.. but i have lovely friends. One thing that i feel alone it's cause, things in secondary are different.. Sometimes, i just sit and wonder, when will i ever gonna see everyone again. When will I be able to hug them again.. When will we be starting another silly fight again. There's so many things going through my mind and I don't know what to do. I wanna plan a reunion but.. Where? When? How much will it cause? and bla bla blaa. =/

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

things always get confused.

2009-07-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

heyhey people. sighh. i sersiously miss primary. the time where we get to do whatever we want and we rule the whole school. teachers are like our best friends. we kacau them, play with them sometimes even tell them stuff! haaha. friendship we had was also very strong, very tight and so does relationships.

we both used to have a memorable ; wonderful ; awesome relationship. but.. maybe people were right. is puppy love? is just primary? is too young? me & you dont really think so. cause we really loved them ALOT. and they just dont know. they think we dont give damn but.. actually we do.

is just a building, a old building that actually have so much memories for everyone. every single spot of the wall, the stairs, the toilet was full with tears and laughters. the class we studied, the chair and table we sit and lean on is just so meaningful. we were both monitors, i miss being it. i miss shouting at people ; scolding at people that dint do their job well. and get teased by others cause i got scolded by teacher for not doing somthing.

i believe, you. ashley ng miss it too. (: i guess this is life. what we've been through ; what you've been through is a memories and pass. time flies and we have to spend it wisely. make everyday of your life meaningful. that's what i always tell myself. things wont always go it our way, things wont always be prefect. but.. still we have to live with it.

Unfaithful ;

2009-07-23T03:43:00.000-07:00

He was just right there. In front of me. He and I had a dance.. It was our last dance together and i started crying cause i felt so unfaithful, felt stupid, felt useless.. I was about to tell you everything on what happened.. But i couldn't i was afraid I'd spoil the moment. the very last moments with him. It was so heart breaking.. I cried for a while. to make sure i would stay strong.. and be grateful that he came into my life..

When we were dancing, he held me tightly, that i could hear his heart beat.. That i could hear mine.. Beating so fast.. When we were dancing, i was thinking how unfaithful have i been.. When we were dancing, i just cried and cried and cried.. I couldn't control my feelings..!! I didn't know what to do at that time.. it was so painful.. I don't know how to handle things anymore.. my first relationship hurt me a lot and I wasn't strong enough to handle and now I'm starting a long distance relationship? Am i strong enough? I cried just now.. Thinking of my ex.. i don't know why.. and i cried more when I thought of my boyfriend.. I cried and cried and cried..

As i was watching a love story, i was about to cry.. and in the end, i started tearing a little and a little and a little.. It reminded me of the situation I'm in.. It got me thinking,"why can't i just stay strong and forget about the past" i thought of it everyday since then.. Where ever I am. Somehow, the song" Move Along" since to play.. and it's like giving me strength to let go and telling me letting go is the best. One thing, i certainly wanna do that.. but but.. the person, i'm with now.. something is not right.. something with me.. something is wrong with my feelings. I didn't know what to do. I've tried and tried not to think of anything.. but but. i couldn't.I've been missing 1 person in my life and now there's 2.. How can I cope with this?? All i ever wanted is to get over him and have an ending. A happy one.. With the one i love.. now, there's 2? I'm never this confuse before.. But. why now? is it because someone is telling me to let the past be past cause now is the present?

I need answers to the questions that have been going through my mind. I know everyone would tell me to let the past be.. Be happy with the present and with the one you are with. Yes, i can follow what you guys are telling me to, but.. what if i seriously can't let it go? that i will be with the i'm with now but not happy.. tell me, you say be happy right? then why don't you let me go back to him?? I need the past.. i need the guy in the past. I thought i could get him out.. BUT... i couldn't.. It's..... It's..... so.. painful to see him walk out. At some point, his MSN personal message seems so dark, emo, and sad.. But, i think he is saying it to the girl that he asked out... I knew how he felt when i was happy with the guy i'm with now and starts talking about him. I KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE cause i was like that when you told me about the girl.. the first girl after our break up.. i knew.. i knew how everything felt like. But.. i think till now, you think i'm a heartless person.. and doesn't know how it feels like..

I guess, to you I'm just a HEARTLESS ex girlfriend. One thing, I still want to be friends.. but.. we seem to seldom chat now a days.. I would love and appreciate it.. I really need your help, support to get over you. i really need you now.. I need you now cause i know you are the guy that can make me laugh like hell.. I need you now cause my boyfriend is leaving and i need someone to help me with that... I really need you.. I really want you to see and read this blog.. but.. i can't just go to you and say."hey, go to this blog.. read it, that's how i feel" i cant say that. that would be rude.. On second thought.. maybe.. sighs.. oh, i don't know..

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

How do you do it?

2009-07-20T22:04:00.000-07:00

You know.. It's so weird, i said i will move on, i will let go? I think i'm doing a good job. and you know why? BECAUSE... oh i don't know.. Maybe I'm not letting go, maybe i am.. You guys would not know.. Cause I'm putting my optimistic cap on.. and saying i will get him off my mind, my heart, my memories.. The stuff he gave me, i will give it away.. No wait, instead, i will keep it and makes sure it collects loads of dust.!

I'm sick of being your little toy that you play with. Cause I'M NOT A TOY TO PLAY WITH! I HAVE FEELINGS! Oh wait, you don't know how i feel because you are the guy that doesn't care about people's feelings. Well, maybe you do care.. But.. not anymore to me..

I don't really care anymore. i mean i still do care.but you are the one that made me to choose this path.. how i wish i can turn back in time.. but somehow, i also don't want you to hurt me again. I know, you are living your life like yeahh. so enjoyable.. nothing to worry about. I think i've made up my mind to just stay single.. my relationship status will change soon. but not sure when.. it's because i'm sick of being hurt, being blamed, being shouted at, being your back up, being your rubbish.. and everything. Yes, it's so nice to be in a relationship, when there isn't heartbreaks.. Yes, it's nice to know that you always have someone with you no matter what.. yes, it's lovely you hug someone.. yes, it's nice to hold the person tight.. But. to me, it's all just a lie...

I know what you readers are thinking now. It's just one thing.. and something like that.. iknow, i shouldn't be over reactting telling myself not to love someone again. I will fall in love with someone, but not now.. Maybe just not now.. Now, I'm going to delete you out of my mind.. I dont care.. i'm doing this is because this is the best for me and you.. yes.. I'm going crazy now.. but.. grr..

I've took this quiz on Facebook, what is causing your depression and it says your past. yes, it's so true.. it's haunting me.. you are haunting me yf.. our memories are haunting me.. isn't it hauting you?? If it isn't.. then it's just me missing you too much... so yeah.. I want us to stay friends, but you never seem to chat with me ever since we've broken up. you only talk with me when you are high, and yeah.. so. maybe our friendship will not last either.. sorry..

Ashley signing off

tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

You said you will be there ;

2009-07-20T00:36:00.000-07:00

I've tired to tell you how i feel. i want to, but i can't. I can't just go up to you and say," hey you know that i love you?" what the hell. i can't..

Moving on.. It seems so hard, so difficult, but now, i'm gonna do it. I'm not going to let you bring me down again. I sick of waiting, sick of pretending that i've moved on.. Sick of being strong when i'm weak. Sick of putting a big happy smile on my face when my heart is aching. I've always waited for the right time to tell you.. But the right time never seem to come. Maybe we weren't made for each other. I stare and stre at your name on MSN. Pointing my mouse to your name.. Then double click it.. after i've finished typing, i just delete the message i want to send. i don't know... Whenever i wannaa tell you something, it's so difficult.. or you'll say " nahs, it ain't worth waiting" then why are you waiting?

When i was in the car this morning and i heard the song "move along" and i was sing to it.. when i was singing, the lyrics reminds me of my situation. "Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong. Move along, move along like I know you do. And even when your hope is gone Move along, move along just to make it through" Look at it..i have to do that.. So i was on a road trip this morning and.. and.. I thought to myself:" maybe this is my time to clear my mind" and i did.. not completely, but almost there.. until until. another song came up. and it got me being all sad.. When i was playing golf this morning, i couldn't hit the first few shots.. i told myself:"let it all go. Imagine that he was the ball" and i miss hit it.. and then i was like:" AsHLEY! let it go.. do not think of him" and i played better. i guess, i will be better off without youu. i want you to know that! hope you read this blog and know how i feel!!!!!

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

2009-07-19T19:51:00.000-07:00

ashleyy!! sighh. people nowadays! i really hate you la bitch! why must you talk bad about me infront of others during REUNION?! you talk on msn or whatever i also dont give a damn.. but is was a REUNION man! you always want to get me into trouble or.. SOMETHING!

and you! you, you, and Y-O-U!! you bloody have to accept?! last time you know what's going on!? must you be so happy or jump infront of your best friend telling her you know who like YOU!! -.- i dislike since last year and UNTIL now!! you and your stupid attidude!

say im hanging around with bitches where you dont even know my friends! you got no right to comment about them! you hate me then just say so, dont always try to act nice and adorable! you ignore me in school but.. during reunion you act like you dont hateme at all. what is your problem man!? -.-

I've actually waited for you long enough ;

2009-07-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

I've waited really long.. and i wonder how can you not see it? I don't want to break again so i've decide to let you go. Telling myself.. that you are such a jerk. just a few days ago, you said you liked me.. and then suddenly you asked her to be your gf? are you kidding me?

I thought i could get over you at first.. but i couldn't.. and when you asked me to move on, i actually couldn't. And now, you've made things much more complicated.! Now, you made me in a difficult position. WHY must you do this to me? I didn't want to move on, i didn't want to go back either. Do you actually know how i feel? Can you at least give me a chance to talk to you about this? Whenever i talk to you about this, you'll be like. don't wait for me.. next day, i like you back. what the heck! i hate you so much for doing that. i hate everything about you that's what makes me fall in love with you ! urghhh!

If you just read this blog, you will know how it feels to be me.

Ashley signing off

tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

I stood there and i didn't know what to do

2009-07-18T09:20:00.000-07:00

When i was there, when you were there.. I just pretend i didn't see. i pretended that nothing happened between us, pretended that we were just friends.. But.. as i kept looking at you, i started flash backing..Looking at the times we used to have..I've tried everything i could to forget about it.. but i couldn't.. it was like.. stuck in my head.. I didn't want this to happen, but it did! I tried to be strong. I did.. I did a good work.. But my heart was breaking..He left my heart with a scar and i thought i could remove it, but i guess, a scar is permanent.

I've tried to get you out of my mind, but i can't.. You seem to come up to my mind some how!I get goosebums whenever i think about you, see you, talk to you or anything that got to do with you..I don't know how to stop this. I've cried and cried and cried.. Yes, i'm with someone now, but you seem to be on my mind. I feel mean, i feel terrible, i feel useless, i feel like everything is crashing down.. I don;t know what to do.. As i thought i had a chance that you said you liked me back.. But not today anymore..just not today..I've heard that you've asked the person I used to had a fight with..and the reason was because she was jumping happily when you told her you liked her.. I tried and tried and tried.. not to think of it... But when i was sitting next to her, and you sat next to her, i felt like... i'm a piece of rubbish..

We used to joke around with each other.. but today, when i was just joking with you to take your phone, you got mad.. and there it goes again, trying not to think of you and everything.. When i saw you and her taking a sweet couple picture, i was just... just.. just.. trying again, not to look at you. when she asked me what's up with me, i jsut say i was tired.. yes i was tired. tired of pretending.. Tired of being your piece of rubbish.. Tired of being the left out one.. Tired of being used.. Tired of being your back up.. I'm tired. i'm sick and tired of it..

It's so annoying to see you just to forget me so fast. It's so annoying when i was waiting for you, you liked someone else. When you came back for me, i liked someone else. and now, when i liked you back, you are with someone. I don't know why. but youuu. you seem to. seem to... seem to..ah, nothing.. As i took the box out.. i gave it a big blew, and opened it.. The stuff that you gave me, the letters, and everything. i started crying, tearing,hiding in a coner because i was scared.. I didn't want this to happen again.. but it did.. blink of an eye, everything that was so perfect was gone.. Everything that was gone, was long gone.. everything that was long gone, will forever be safe in my heart.. I don't know what to do now..

The person i'm with now, seem to be so happy to get out of this school, the person that i still like seem to be happy.. What about me? What about my heart?

Ashley signing off

tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

This ain't what suppose to happen

2009-07-14T02:25:00.000-07:00

	eh
	yes?
	free to chat? xD
	yeah sure hmm. solatenot a sleep yet? hahah
	nono this is yewfei ur toking to
	he wont sleep so early
	haha.. ohyeah (:
	xDD
	but it's like 12.. that really late hahah anyway. what's up?
	neh ntg ur pm all sounds emo
	actually
	haha
	what's dk real name
	dk? erm.. dongkuk
	srsly?
	yeahh
	my pm sounds emo heh? well, i don't know what to do man. i feel like killing myself
	beg him dun leave lar
	haha that is not the problem my dear..
	then?
	erm.. it's like.. whenever..
	ermm. it's so hard to explain man
	jus explain i nid story
	haha. always get story from me ahh. so mean. anyway.. hmm. let's see.. whenever like i'm a round him. it feels like he doesn't care anymore.. and like..
	he starts being weird and he starts blaming me for everything and starts to text me when i told him i can't and starts annoying me he keeps annoying me
	to tell my mum about me and him i want to tell my mum but i need time last time he said he didn't dare to tell his mum
	and when his mum found out.. and said it was okay he starts bugging me.
	F him! and then.. oh i don't know.. whether to break up or... so yeah
	wa evil leh that guy
	yes.. indeed. it's like..
	i'm better right?xD
	he wants to get everything he wants. haha yes you are (:
	wahahaha
	haha. oh yew fei yew fei..
	xDD
	haiz break up lor
	hahaa but i don't know how and when
	his leaving party is like this friday
	guy which is so evil not gud
	haha.. so you saying that you aren;t evil? haha.
	abit xD
	i see i see. well, you aren;t evil to me(: only sometimes
	haha
	btw hor
	yeah?
	hmm nvm jus brk up oni lar
	weih. say dude! aww
	he also leaving
	but but.. but... ahhhh difficult lahh
	cause it's like. i like him at times..and at some point i don't
	dun scare u will be single xD
	haha not i scared to be single lahh i was single for 3 months and.. since the day i was born until i've met you
	wa
	haha and then..
	i pro leh
	whatever =P
	perasannya budakni
	xD btw sze yii broke up with me LOL
	WHAT! why? aww she's so pretty
	coz she like another guy lor
	what the F
	too bad luh
	that sucks
	you okay tak?
	mesti lar relationship oni 1month esti ok mesti*
	xD
	hahhaa aww..
	but 1 month not bad weih
	neh
	neh here neh there. apalah
	eh if hor
	??
	AIYO
	say man
	HOW SAY LEH KNS
	tell !!
	w8
	tell
	gib me time
	5min
	hah. okay (:
	tmt tell u ba i stil thinking
	haha thinking? no need to think lah. jsut spill it out(:
	OKOK w8 LOL
	hahahah
	today all do the nervous stuff
	haha nervous stuff? i see i see.
	like sex erm LOL
	what the heck. sex?
	jk
	hahah funny dude lah you
	ty lar
	haha you are not welcome =P
	haha
	K i spill it out
	okay.. waiting =P
	w8@#$%^
	aiyaoo
	k done
	what the heck. you didn't say anything.. damn mean weih
	I DIED
	now you are being evil
	OPPS
	you died?
	LOL i mean I DID I SAID
	haha
	LOL
	LOLOLOL
	no you didn't don't lie
	i said i like u again LOL
	then i said w8 then ok then w8 then no more xDD
	Ohh. wow..
	erm.. that wasn't hard was it?!
	give me sorta
	give you sorta?? hmm. reaction? let me see. erm.. i do still like you abit. but i'm confuse. so that's why..jkcndscn
	LOL
	jus cannot stop thinking old days LOL
	omgg. same. i mean. it's like. whenever i look back at those stuff you gave me right. erm.. i start like. thinking how are you doing and stuff.. and i start flashbacking all the good times and ahem bad times.. but.. well.. that's why.. whenever i'm with dk right.. i just try to forget about the pass.. but somehow.. it can't..=/
	THE POWER OF ME IS COOL
	what the heck yf. so perasan. it's like. when i'm with dk. it's two different personalities..i mena..like you and dk. when i was with you, we had like little argument about silly stuff and all.. but dk, when i just joke around, he'll be like.. you are so mean and stuff.. and i would just turn away.. and start day dreaming and he will be like:" i'm sorrry isorry! " and gives me a hug. but.. somehow.. something is right.
	wa
	and i can't believe i'm actually telling you this jsdcjn
	good lar
	hahaha anywayy.
	going to be 1 still tak mahu sleep?
	yea w8 a i go get sumthing eat 1st
	aduiii.. budakni.. tak sihat untuk badanmu.. eh.. i want too leh
	time for the small tikus to roll
	hahha
	apa u mahu
	hmm.ice-cream haha
	so late ice cream
	hahaaa fine erm.. what do you have ? haha
	u lagi tak sihat
	me tak sihat? me sangat sihat.. except the fact that i might get swine flu cause i've made contact with a girl that has swine flu
	padan muka?
	woii!
	xD
	i want to eat junk food lah haha send over to me =P
	lols w8
	haha. okayy =P
	K 5min will arrive pizza and g-strig
	string* G-STRING* LOL LOLOLOLOLOLOL
	haha aww pizza yummy
	i brb
	okayy
	kk i'm back
	haha. okay so how was your food/
	it was very smexey
	and no one know i curi makan
	hahaha wahh. naughty kido
	xD
	why u haven sleep?
	haha. no school got closed down cause of swine flu
	SHIOK LA WEI
	haha
	that's why. i'm scared man.
	weih. 1:12 leh. still tak tidur.. ? crazy ke womner how you study man
	womner?
	*wonder
	erm i use my brain and my
	LOL
	hahaa..
	i dun study
	but your brain can think meh? wow. don't need to study? need weih
	WALAO I JUS GOT OWN BYA by A 11yr old kid
	excuse me.. 11? i aint 11 my dear.. i'm 13 one three man
	not u
	awww got own by 11 year old?
	how /
	my fren lai der w8 tell u later
	haha okay
	K heer is the dam story
	hahah
	he told me he move his house to tropicana club
	i was like omg?
	yeah and.?
	then
	he told me his house got swiming pool
	yeahh and ended up is a lie
	w8 that's cx 1
	this 1 is not a lie
	then he say hw big is ur hse i said
	smaller then urs
	uh huh.. then
	U KNOW WAT HE SAY MY HOUSE VERY SMALL DER SMALLER THEN URS I said har? no la
(1:27 AM) YF:	ur hse vey big lar i was like wdf what is he toking abt suddenly he pop out
	actually i'm from sjk damansara before dat
	haha wow.. anyway. my mum was killing me.. cause i'm up this late.. so erm. got to go now
	buhbyee yo! goodnight sweet dreams Blue is me.. Black yf.. Ashley is crazy! (:

I looked inside and started to wonder ;

2009-07-13T03:40:00.000-07:00

If there were just a wish.. I would wish i could travel back in time. I have this feeling, this feeling that is LOST. I can't bare myself to start thinking.and thinking what to do. and I started crying. Cause i know.. It's my fault that causes this.. It was my own fault. I tried and tried not to think about it.. But he seems to come into my mind.. He's leaving soon, and i can't do anything about it. He seems so happy to leave.. He seems so excited to go to school..

I don't want to do it. and at the same time i do want to do it.. What is up with me? When i first met you, you were friendly, when i first got to know you more, you were my major enemy, when i first fell in love with you, i knew it was wrong, when i first got you into my life, i felt something i've never felt, but now, when you are going to leave, i knew it would end and our relationship would be crazy.. I have a feeling that our long relationship, long distance relationship might not work.. I've been having weird thoughts on my mind that i can't get it off. I do want to go to your leaving party.. But now, i don't feel like it.. Cause it's so hard to face it that you are going to leave.. Should i still go?? I feel so useless. I can't even go to your love one's leaving party.. I feel like.... ....

I was the one who made this choice. I was the one that chose this path. I was the one that told myself to forget about him.. I was the one that said i should get him off my mind. I was the one that said i should get someone new to get him off my mind. But he can't get off my mind even though i'm with another guy. Yes, i do sound messed up and sound like such a play girl.. But but. I do love these two guys. There are different stuff about this two guys that i wish it all can be in just one person.. A guy that i can't get him off my mind is like. he and i used to have fun all the time when we were together.. We seem to insult each other and don't take it seriously instead start chasing each other around the school. We seem to get mad at each other for no reason. but the guy i'm with now. Is completely different.. He is the romantic type.. whenever i cracked a joke about him, he'll be like you are so mean. and so i would be like. fine be that way. and he will start hugging me.. but i dont get it.. I have fun with these two guys!

I don't know what is wrong with me. I try to forget both of them.. and i try to make sure i would be alright when he leaves.. He, i told him about my past.. and he seems like he doesn't care.. I told him i was scared when i heard he hurt himself and heard he wanna leave this world.. and i told him why. i told him cause my ex, he left me, he hurt me so badly. That i'm scared... but still. he, doesn't wants to listen to me.. instead, start hurting himself more.. What can i do?? I've try to make it prefect, I tried to smile.. I've tried everything i could, but some how, it jsut can't go away.. The pain, him, him, and the fact that he is leaving. :'(

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

miss it.

2009-07-12T02:49:00.000-07:00

heyhey. chatting with joanna on the phone now. Lol. she's asking me to sing to her on the phone. what the hell? hahaha. cause tomorrow got PNA adutition. hahaha. good luck people! (:
zheng is pissed and im happy!! Lol. nothing to blog la. i just i'll again next time. bye people! hahaha.

18th July

2009-07-10T02:49:00.000-07:00

heyhey!! hahaha. i have nothing better to do now. Lol. want to offline but .. still want to stay online. hahaha. weird, i know. i sersiouly want all this spammers to FUCK OFF man!! spam here spam there. well, i dont really care. as you can see in my blog. i dint even bother. but.. here is me and my BBF's blog. so please la, fuck of man! -.- if you're jealous just say so. oh, wait. you're lifeless, no wonder. is okay i can understand. and you're a chicken too, right? cause you dont DARE to put your name. -.-

and your English suck like shit. broken English. "wtf wrong with you?" what kindna english is this?! -.- idiot. anyways, iloveyou. haaha. yes, my status has changed but .. less than 10 people know about it. hahaha. we both dont really want to tell people. (:

secretive abit better, i guess. hahaha. teachers in school always find out about relationships. idk how they find that out. example joey and david. the school even called joey's parents. so yeah, kindna scared.

is just the begining, i tell that to myself. i dont want to be heart broken again. (:

Note everything i do ;

2009-07-10T00:40:00.000-07:00

I sit and ask myself.. Why did you ask whether things would work out? If you do love me that much like i do, you should be confident in the decision we've made.. But.. you sounded like we should just end it.. And i was thinking again, so this it then..and then you said you don't want it to end. What or which one is true? I wonder and wonder.. You've asked me this question before.. and you asked again.. and it got me thinking more.. Are you confident in this path we've chose?

I don't know. I don't know.. i don;t feel right. something isn't right.. I know i know. Crazy me.. But seriously, now a days.. Something is not right.. You seem to be so close to that girl.. i mean.. it's like. ohh. it's so difficult to explain it here..

44th post!

2009-07-04T23:35:00.000-07:00

heyhey. sorry dear. yes im kindna busy with school's project. sighh. stupid want la. anyways, what's wrong with you and him? i saw your facebook. sighh. need someone to talk about it? (:

anyways, HEY PEOPLE! ilovehim. hahaha. school paramount was awesome man! i sersiouly dont know what to blog. err .. IM GOING TO ZHENG YANG'S PARTY! i finally get to see everyone again! hahaha. (:

um, he still making me confused. sighh. my dream came true but .. still there's something im not sure about. Ashley, i think there's something you need to know. (: okay la. got project to do. bye people!

Just take a look at it ;

2009-07-03T09:57:00.000-07:00

Heyy! I'm not gonna blog much! cause i have nothing to blog about.! so yeahhh
but i wanna blog something so this blog would be kindaa interesting. so yeahh.
hmmm. Okay. let's see..

i still have nothing to blog about.. let's see ;

As the days go by, you seem so cold to me.. As the term is coming to an end, you seem like you don't care about me anymore.. As i stood there thinking, you seem to care.. As i stand there talking to my friends, you seem to try to get into our conversation.. I don't get you.. It feels like you are playing a game with my heart, a game that i don't wanna play.Can you actually show me something that you really care. That you actually care? I stayed there worrying about stuff.. Whether you actually want me to be part of your life.. I know i know.. Ashley is going the emotional breakdown path.. but, this is true.. I can't seem to see what do i mean to youu.

You hug me and everything, but is there actually love? to me there is.. what about you? I love you so much that i don't even know what i'm talking about. I'm going crazy over this.. ain't that silly? Well, not really crazy.but erm.. feeling LOST i can say..

So yeah.. done blogging.. no idea what's up with me. =/

Ashley signing off

tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

The broken hearted girl ;

2009-07-02T08:03:00.000-07:00

If i were you, i would just say hey! or give a simple smile.!

OMG OMG! Ashley here! there isn't any big news. Well, I guess no Sien wei is busy? haha! and i gotta update this blog. so erm.. What should i update you guys about??

A girl met a guy. She had a huge crush on him ever since. But she doesn't know whether he does feel the same way too.. She tried everything. but couldn't find solution to find out. So she decided to give up. But but. her best friend told her not to.. so yeahh

And i have no idea what story is that. hahaaha! jsut a stupid one. I have nothing to blog about.. I only have 12 days till he leaves.. OMG! so way gonna miss him!

To Sien wei: I'll try to take a picture with him as soon as possible (:

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

I don't want to be away from youu

2009-07-01T07:24:00.000-07:00

Me, Looking at you everyday, Staring at you.. thinking, why must you leave this year? how did i get into your life?? I've not been myself lately, I've been thinking about you leaving and everything.. About how am i gonna survive when you are gone. Yes, i maybe able.. but what about my heart? Can it stand the long distance relationship?? It's my second time falling in love so deeply but my first time for a long distance relationship.. What if things don't work out? How am i gonna face it?? I don't wanna break and fall all over again.. I'm scared. Yes, I may look strong and happy on the outside.. but what about the inside?? Is it strong enough to handle another harsh break up?? because this heart, this heart... Seems to fall so easily but whenever this heart breaks, it just can't find the small little pieces to fix untill this heart meets someone that can actually pick up and put all back.

Trying and trying not to remember you leaving. But whenever i open my organizer to write down the stuff i need to, i flipped the page and only see 2 pages left, i remember you leaving a note in my organizer saying someone is leaving. and i tea packs it out and wrote saddest day.. I don't know what to do without you. yes, you will visit us.. But but but.. When? I sure will miss you loads. I'm trying to plan to ask everyone to write in a book full of goodbyes and planing to give it to you. I hope i can buy something for you, but i can't seem to go out now a days.. Cause how am i gonna explain to my mamma that i wanna buy a guy a soft toy? that says "i love you".

Laughing all the tears away, Laughing all the pain away.. Does that really help? cause I'm guessing it might, for a while.. But not forever.. i wish you could stay with me forever.. I will miss all the goodbye hugs we give each other after school.. The goodbye kisses after school.. Mostly, I will miss the time where we always hold each other hands.. Being with him feels like a dream, a dream that i don't want to wake up from.. But but but.. Just but.. You are leaving, and hte nightmares seems to begin everyday when the term is going to end.. I tried and tired and tried to make that dream to come again, but, i can't.. I can't possibly ran up to his mum and say:" Excuse me Ms.. Can your son stay here with me cause I'm in love with him!" I can't say that.. His mum will kill him then he'll kill me..

Now a days, I tried to sleep early.. I tried to sleep.. Still, i can't.. I'm scared to start the nightmare.. The nightmare that would never go away. I can't basically tell you this cause you'll worry so much and which will be worst.. I don't want you going all crazy cause i know when i'm down, you worry so much that I'm starting to get really really worried of youu. all i wanan say, You'll forever be in my heart and I'll miss you when you leave.. I hope you'll feel the same way as i do..

"The feeling from being away from you is like you not having enough oxygen to breathe"

Ashely signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

SMILES!

2009-06-30T01:52:00.001-07:00

heyhey! hahaah. sorry, this time no pictures. so yeah. anyway! ashley, you are so welcome. i will always be there hun. dont tell me you gona say THANK YOU to me EVERY SINGLE TIME? -.-
hahaha. (: how's things then? im kindna confused tho. Lol.

today was paramount! hahahhaa. damn freaking nice man. hahaha. (: go view my blog for details! Lol. so yeah. by the way, that day was my FRIST time to glod class too you know?! haaha. so yeah.

my grandma is doing her operation today. sighh. everything is gona be fine, right? i hope so. ): anyways, tuition later! in 5MINS! what the hell man. hope teacher dont come! caught in a jam or whatever! hahaha. kayy la. got to go. (: byes!

Take my hand;

2009-06-29T07:28:00.000-07:00

Hey hey heyy! Ashley in the house. So today isn't really my day.. erm.. Talked to Sien wei about everything.. felt better! thanks (: erm.. Sien wei, ended up. He thought i was the one that was gonna do what you were thinking.. If you get what i mean.. ahha! anyway, Sien wei, everything is sorted out now. I think. but i guess we won't be that close anymore..

Okay, to the readers.. i want to ask your opinion yeah.. If you were worried about your love ones walking away because they got to move to another school and out of the country you are in, what will you do? and if your love ones keep talking about how excited they can't wait to move and didn't care about your feelings, what would you do?? If your love ones got a miss understanding, and thought you like your ex or thought you don't like them anymore, and started yelling at you, what would you do? Do you think they would still have faith in youu?

Please, Tell me in our little pink C'box. I know i know.. you guys will be like:" PINK!?! EWWW" But, trust me, PINK is a manly colour. I know htis guy, he isn't that hot or anything. but when i saw him wearing pink! i was like:" OMG OMG OMG! he look so freaking H-O-T!!! *drools*" hahah! joking.. i mean joking about the drooling bit.. hahaha! anyway, guess what, my mum is so way gonna kill me for my phone bill. Luckily, she has forgotten about it! =)

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

Cause it's you and I

2009-06-28T06:37:00.000-07:00

Helloo hello hellooooooo!! I saw sien wei in GOLD CLASS yo! i guess, whenever she says i'm going to watch a movie, she watches in GOLD CLASS. rich girl man!

So i was like:" AHHHHH! omg omg omg!" and gave her a big hug.. she was like.. which one is dk. haha! and then she said hey and all. so, what do you think abou thim sien wei? hahahhaaahahhaha! anyway, i think my mum is checking the phone bill list. and i think she is mad. so i'm gonna stay in my room until i sleep. too scared to face her!

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

hate that i love you so.

2009-06-27T01:36:00.000-07:00

bla bla bla bla!! heyhey. now we, as in Ashley ; Florence ; Me, are actually talking sersiouly about BLOGSKINS. -.- what the hell man. hahahaa. later you see our blogs all changed! Lol. retard person we are. hahaa.

well first, thank you Ashley so much for helping me. not just about the blogskin but .. also about the thingy. hahaha. MY ass hole? remember? hahaha. she think is like a love story. sweat la! hahaha. so yeah.

kindna gave her advice on her problems too. so yeah. florence made a new blog which is also sharing. Me, Ash and her. hahahaa. see! we got nothing better to do. LOL. so yeah. everyone is editing pictures hope our blog will rock. hahahaa.

loveyou, ashleyngkhenglei. (:

Look at this mess

2009-06-26T05:54:00.000-07:00

Everything is so messed up.. Sienwei, I don't take things seriously lah. You think i am onlyy. Well, I'm so messed up and confused now.. I don't wanna tell it out her. but yeahh..

Okay, so erm. today was really a sad day.. Michael J passed so as Farrah Fawcett. It's so sad.. Michael J, he has lived for 50 years.. HE had no childhood days.. HIs dad hits him when he sings out of tune. he was only 5 at that age.. He didn't have any friends cause if his singing career. His dad put him in to such great pressure that he couldn't handle.. Whenever he comes home from school, he spends 3 hours on homework and the rest on singing. It isn't his fault that he child abbused a kid.. or rape a kid.. He actually likes kids.. He, was comitted a child abbuser cause of that.. He, at a ge of 45, was in court because of that..Someone interviewed his lawyer.. this is what he said:" HE was so afraid, he cried on my shoulder, he was so skinny that i could feel his bones, his heart felt so cold.. He might have a 12 year old heart, but he is a great man" It nearly made me tear. because of his childhood, he became a man who he was..

So yeah.. I jsut called tane, cause this is a serious matter! so yeahh.. need to talk to sien wei ASAP!

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

think positive, always!

2009-06-26T01:20:00.000-07:00

heyhey! hahaa. i know la dear, i know that you wont forget about our blog. can see that you're busy. even when i talk to you yesterday on MSN. so obvious you're busy, that's why i stopped talking. you said you're not so i wont feel bad. LOL. i know you well, i guess! (:

yes, he's moving. i know. but .. what can you say, right? sighh. that's a fact. you both will go through it, im SURE! hahhaha. always there for you, remember? hahaha. i dont mind that you dont post anything tho, seriously. just kidding for the past few post la dear! hahaha. why suddenly take things so seriously?! omg! what happen to my Ashley Ng Kheng Lei that always give me good advice and cheer me up?! -.-

hahahaa! anyways, your summer i tak ada summer la. LOL. but .. still can plan want la, i guess? heh. want his picture? forget it la hun, im ignoring him. thanks to his friends. only answering him or respond him when he's alone. i cant stand his friends ANYMORE! -.-

tell you about it next time. sighh. feel like blasting his friends on blog but .. later they all ... SIGHH! whatever la, i dont give a damn. there's so many other guys out there, right? hhahaha.

Just hit the road

2009-06-25T08:36:00.000-07:00

It's not that i've forgotten about this blog. just that so many things i have to do. before my final time with him ends.. so yeah.. 2 more weeks and he is off to singapore. Yes, not far away.. but but.. our love, can't seem to contact each other.. It' so far for our hearts to reach out to one another. but .. We will forever stay strong.

So, I can't wait for Sunday. Going out with him.. Well, it's a party at Gardens. So wanna stalk me? Stalk then. ahha! jokes jokes. well, you won't know what time and what are we going to do.. So sienwei, You blog skin.. I don't really have the time.. cause I've been really caught up with him and studies. I seriously need to buck up..

Sleepovers during the summer holidays. : Nurlyana's, Dash's, Faria's .. not so sure.. erm.. MINE haha! no one ever met my family! i only met their family! OMG! loni's too!

Everything is going so boring without him..

Story- Once, a girl thought she wouldn't fall in love again.. But once she went to her new school, she met a guy.. She thought he was good looking and smart. and he is really smart. soon, they became friends then enemies then lovers. Like a movie. but. not a movie i guess.. They always fool around, and everything. WHenever he holds her, her heart beat raises. Whenever e tickles her, she put a smile on the face that she hadn't put on in ages. Whenever he pokes her, she pokes him back. And whenever he kisses her, she feels the love... But now, he's leaving, her world seems nothing to her anymore.. They tried to spend more quality time together. and yes, they did.. one thing now, a bitch has been flirting with him, and the bitch actually likes him.. three of them were in the same group for this art project and the bitch jsut keeps flirting with him and this girl is left all alone. she tries to act all friend, all happy but inside, she's hurt, she felt like killing that bitch! anyway, she just wishes that he would actually know how she feels ;

Tadaaa! sily story.i know.. Okay, i've been taking loads of pictures. not myself.. not others.. but with the sky and everything. and i found out, i a good photographer. ahhhaha! jokes jokes..

SIENWEI! take lah a picture of him and show me. i wanna see him lahh!

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

laughter.

2009-06-25T03:18:00.000-07:00

heyhey! oh my god la, Ashley. how can you forget you have this blog with ME!? im so gona wack your ass man! hahahhaa.

Dk held you tightly? SEE! im always jealous between both of you! since me and you know who broke up. hahaah. sighh. May 18th is just crap now. He's new date is 27th of March/ May? i dont know la, whatever.

sleepover is a deal. we've been planning this for a long time la dear. but your holidays and mine are always different! you la, so smart go to international school. LOL. (:

what to do, what to do? Zheng told you what i wanted to do, right? you said wait for your call or i call you. so yeah. i guess i should pause. sighh. oh but guess what? howard ting gone skinny-er! -.- i used to call him fat every time. LOL.

miss you la sweetie! we need to talk BADLY! i cant stand this anymore seeing him everyday at school like that! grrr .. -.- feel like killing myself.

oh! and help me change my blogskin. heh. thank you! im sick of it but i dont know how to change. florence taught me but complicated to me. heh. (: dummy here. THANK YOU!

Promises you've made

2009-06-21T07:18:00.000-07:00

The times where you said 3 simple words that made me skip a heartbeat.. Those words make me go crazy whenever your hand touches mine. It feels like we are connected..It feels like, you are the one. The one that i will never ever wanna let go;

OMG! hey hey hey hey! I know, it's been a while since i've blog this blog.. I've totally forgotten.. sorry dudes. okay.. So here's the point.. Sienwei Don't like whoever that person she is talking about. she likes him as a friend only..

My story for the day is that, i really enjoyed the day me and him had a lovely time.. when he held me so tight.. When he wanted to dance with me but didn't get a chance cause of the song choice.. he made me feel alive..

I'm gonna make this blog like, all alive and not lovely dovey.. so erm. let's see..! Okay, Sleepovers, anyone? Sienwei?? Swine flu people. please please take care of yourself.. what should i blog??

Do you guys know that you rock? hahhaha!!! so i have nothing to blog about.. I want to write you guys a story, but not sure what to write about. so yeahh..

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo
ashleylicious

randomn question

2009-06-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

sup people! hahaha. Ashley ng! want to wack your ass already la!
dont update our blog ; dont reply my message. dont even go online! LOL.

people are all thinking that i like tan leon sheen and i dont know why. does it really sounds like him? hahahaa. weird. hope he dosent read this blog then, later he misunderstand. LOL.
the more you guys ask ; the more i think about May 18th. hahahaa.

downloading photoscape hope it works.
then i can finally edit my pictures.
LOL. BORED, BORED, BORED!

regreted everything with you.

2009-06-19T02:23:00.000-07:00

im bored, bored, boRED, BORED!
teaching my freaking brother homework that is pissing me off.
and IM BLOODY BORED!
ashley, talk to me. hahahaa.
as i said, im BORED! -.-

am I even your,

2009-06-14T02:03:00.001-07:00

Friend?

heyhey! hahaha. school's starting tomorrow. yay? friends are gona talk about how boring is holidays, i think. LOL. Ashley Nh Kheng Lei! why dont you update something? is kindna dead without your updates you know? imissyou. (:

tomorrow i finally get to see you again. is it a good sign? i dont know what to do ; i dont know how to face you. you make me in love with you deeper and deeper even if is just a smile or saying Hi. what is wrong with me? i cant just go in front of you and say : "Hey, i love you." or "do you like anyone? do you like me? ". that's sound way WAY wrong.

some tell me that they think you like me too cause of some action. ike you look at me every time (where i dont think so, cause i dint notice that), smile at me and say HI (i dont think that's the reason also cause you can just say HI to anyone, right? dose not have to say it to your loves one only). so yeah. im confussed everytime i ask myself the same question: " does he likes me too? or may I just making myself a fool? "

if you do, why cant you make the first move? if you dont, [...] nevermine. i've not see you for 2 weeks. are you missing me like i am? is loving you so hard? the only thing i can do is wait or ..

let it go.

oh my god,

2009-06-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

ILOVEYOU.

heyhey. ashley must be busy nowadays.

is okay. i'll update then. hahhaha.
later when is her holiday then she'll update, i guess. (:

anyways, my holiday now suck like shit.

boring is the only word i can say.

no going out, no rest, no playing the computer when my mum is at home.

what is life man?!

sighh* somemore cannot see him. (:

i know i wanted to forget and let go.

but .. i guess i cant. i watched a show yesterday.

is about two married couples facing their problem.

it was so touched that i cried.

and guess what? the first person i think of ..

is you/him. LOL.

i guess this is L.O.V.E ? sighh*

i seriously dont know.

um, got to go. mum is coming back! (:

happy ever after ?

2009-06-01T02:46:00.000-07:00

May 18th ; May 28th.

this dates are the dates me and ashley can never forget.
we had so, i mean SO many memoriable times together with him/them.
is just 2 words that will ruin everything.
break up.
life is never a fairytale, forever and always might or might not come true.
but i know mine dint. i stay strong and get through it.
when the time comes things just get in to my mind like a slideshow.
the stairs, the class, the store room, my sit, the tears, the calls ..
everything man. tears of you still remind dropping.

Hun,

why worry ? everything will be fine, i know it will. (:
okay? tell him how you feel and hope he'll understand.
maybe just make May 28th a day to remember
not a day for you to be like TODAY! get it ?
haha. dont be sad. im here, dont forget.
oh, it rythme! hahahah.
cheer up, okay? (:

mr.right.

2009-05-31T02:37:00.000-07:00

you are the one who made me have trust in love again ; you are the one who carried me from one end till the other when i have no partner ; you are the one who always puts a smile on my face. but now .. you are the one who always make me sad ; you are the one that i cried for. you do too ? or you dont? i seriously wonder ALOT. if you do why you make a move? if you do why must you make it sound like you do ? i really hate this you know. i serioulsy hate it! you always make me wonder till i cry, you always give me the wrong feeling at the wrong time. well, ofcourse you do give me the sweetest and cutest smile i ever since on a guy's face. but.. you just make me wana give up and when i really want to, you will give me that smile again. what did I do worng? why cant i be in the fairytale of yours for once? why cant i be the princess that sits there and wait for her prince? why cant you be the prince? and why cant i be the princess? sometimes things are just so complicated. i always advice my beloved friends to always think positive or give them positive advice. but this time, i cant ask myself to be positive anymore.

birthdays !

2009-05-16T23:08:00.000-07:00

hey guy. HAPPY BIRTTHDAY SEAN. (: hahaa. too bored now. so decided to update this blog. LOL. since ashley is not online so i have nothing better to do. haha. chatting with wei wen and her BOYFRIEND. Lols. they both so cute man. jealousing! haha. ASHLEY!! faster online la. sighh. bored bored bored. i seriously wonder dose HE reads my blog ? cause his friend has a blog and his friend's FRIEND has my link. sighh. but.. i hope he dose. LOL. cause he reads his friend's blog. so yeah. deep *sighs. all i want is a smile from you but you just cant give me. you wave hand to my friends instead of me. you dont expact me to wave at you ALL THE TIME right ? cant you make the first move ?! sighh. got to go. update somemore later. if i can.(:

You are killing me

2009-05-09T08:54:00.000-07:00

The weekends are great. the time to stay up late and wake up late.. but this feeling is killing me.. the feeling missing him.. it's just 2 days.. and i'm missing him.. imagine if he manage to get into that school..and he leaving.. my heart will be broken. =( he says his heart too..

Hey poeplee.. well, apprently, i'm updating this blog more than sien wei..well..she is enjoying with her friends.. she's lucky that she has someone to play on the weekends.. no one from my school stays near by.. except for lateef.. ewwww! i mean a girl..so i can like go over her house and she can come over sometime..but Nooooo.i have noone.. hmm.. Dash might be moving soon.. near my house.. but not sure.. hope so.. hehe (: can't wait... hmmm... want a story?? hmm let me try to think what story.. hmm..

As the wind blows, i only could hear my heart beating faster and faster.. because i'm worried the wond will take my time away..and that i can't spend much time with him.. we can't go out, we don't have any privacy in school; and all i want to do is to say i love you to him.. but still, i couldn't manage to.. because there isn't anytime for us.. i always wish that we could go out, hang around.. or maybe i'll take him to my friend's place for a party.. but i can't... because his parents are stopping him... As i kept sitting and thinking of him, a message from him saying:" hey, i've been wanting to let you know this, I love you.. i didn't know when is the right time, or when can i tell you in school.. because we don't get any privacy.. so, now.. i'mjust making sure you will still be with me and by my side.. and here i am, telling you that i love youu.." and i was screaming and staring at that message the whole time.. the very next day, in school, he wasn't there.. and i thought that the message isn't for me.. and the next day and the next day..he wasn't in school.. untill, he finally came to school. but he was avoiding me.. and i had nothing to say.. or nothing i can do.. so i just wait till i let this go.. one night, he texted me again:" hey, i'm so sorry that i've been avoiding you lately, but i got to tellyou that i want to have a break from this relationship" and i cried. asking him why.. and he didn't reply. but soon, i got over it and found the really reason.. and.. it is because of his mum..

so basically, sometimes love can't be stopped.. okay. i don't know what the hell story was that up there.. ahha! but i gotta make this blog alivee!!! so yeahh.. hahhaa.. okay (:

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo

ashleylicious

What if i can't hold on anymore?

2009-05-06T08:10:00.001-07:00

When you were standing out there in the cold rain night weather, i quickly ran up to you and grab you in as quick as i can... when i grabbed your hand, there was this feeling, the feeling i've never had before. it felt a like a static.. is it me or is the lightning??? as i stared at me trying to find his words to thank me, i was just so speechless and breathless.. when you finally found your words, i was trying to think of an answer, but my mind was so blank.. and you said it's okay and i don't have to answer anything and soon, you left without giving me or telling me how to contact youu.. when his hands left mine.. i was wondering when we can meet.. when i opened my hands, there was a piece of paper, it was a phone number and a letter.. i sat down and read the letter, my heart was so touch that i was about to pick up the phone and dial his number.. but before i could manage to do that, the phone rang, it was from the hospital... asking me whether i know a guy named XXX.. and i was like yeah.. i rushed to the hospital and went into his room.. i saw him so weak..it looks like he got a cold from the rain.. but he was fine when he was at my place.. and so i sat down, and asking him.. why didn't he tell me earlier that he was ill.. and he told me that he doesn't want me to worry to much because it will hurt me and it's the first time i'm in lovee.. as he became weaker, i became scared and worried.. one day, when it was his time to go.. i packed his things before i went to his funneral, and i found this letter on his bed saying it was for me.. when i opened it, i cried and cried.. because he said that he knew this day will come and don't want me to worry too much.. and in the envolope, there was a gift from him.. when i took it out, it just made my heart sank so deeply..

Hey guyss! enjoy the storyy? ahaha! jokes jokes. it isn't real lah.. just type for fun =PP

okayy. i shal update you guys...

I'm loving my school..

erm.. i'm in love with him..

he held my hand so tight that i didn't wanna let go..

he hugged me to firmly telling me that he will protect me..

he kissed me on the cheek saying that he will miss me every single second..

Dammnnn. i've neevr felt like this.. it feels like there's butterflies in my tummy whenever we see each other.. i neever had this feeling before.. someone tell me.. what does this mean???

Ashely signing off

Tata

xoxo

ashleylicious

fate is getting away.

2009-05-03T01:59:00.000-07:00

hey guys. sorry so long dint update. heh. you know laa. i dont always go online. if i get to update my own blog then is already very good. LOL. well. this blog is STILL alive. dont worry. ashley is always here to make it alive. right ? haha. sighh. since my blog is full of crap. that's make this serious here. (:

im in love with you. but .. you dont know. sighh. things are just so confusing you know?! im loving someone i shouldnt. why must you make it so complicated! we used to have eye contacts; we used to see each other everywhere anytime ; we used to smile at each other offen. but now everything had changed. since the day i realise there's no fate between us. just the day before that i was asking you whether can you come on open day. you said maybe i dont know see how. then i dint see you turn up. after 2, 3 hours my friend sms me and said you are there. you know my heart beat stopped ? because you were there when im not. i tell myself to not belive in it. maybe is just that i left early. fine. then on monday i went to school and act like everything is normal. but .. guess what ? i dont see you outside the class anymore ; you dont look outside your class door like usual ; you dont smile at me that much anymore ; i dont really see you that much anymore ; i cant find the right time to get out from class and look at you anymore. get what i mean ? i cried for you cause i miss you. i miss the times where we smile at each other even we dont talk to each other AT ALL. our convesation is only 2 sentences everytime but to me is enough. [as long we know each other is better than we dont even know each other names.] that's the only thing i can do to keep on cheering myself. i guess is hopeless. May 18 i miss you. but i cant take it back. i have to cover is pain everyday so no one will know. you know how hard is it ? when i cry all i want is you to be there but you just wont. i dont think i even have a chance to say goodbye to you everyday after school.

Sorry i can't keep those promises

2009-04-24T08:41:00.000-07:00

I'm confuse ; can someone please help me.. my heart, it doesnt know what to do.. one moment everything is fine.. the next.. it isn't...

i have nothing to blog!

CHATTING WITH HOWARD!

we are having a weird conersation ; not really weird lah.. haha! ; thanks for the advice(:

CHATTING WITH YF !!

saya melayu cacat lah! haha! speaking malay to him. then suddenly change to english. haha! erm. thanks for helping me anyway.. (:

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo

ashleylicious

I can't think of anybody else but just YOU

2009-04-21T01:32:00.000-07:00

Give me a lesson how to steal a heart ; As you stole mine ;

Let's do a perfect crime, I'll steal your heart and you steal mine ;

Like a fool after your heart; If you can't be mine, save me from this heartbreaker ;

I'm gonna try to update everyday whenever i can.. if not it will look dead.. but sorry people for changing the link.. just that.. yeahh.. and because sienwei can't really use the computer.. so i'll mostly update this blog more.. haha! if i can lahh.. cause i don't like to see our blog drop dead.. haha! jokes.. anywayy.. how's people lately?? under stress tak?? haha! cause i've heard loads of exams are coming up for local schools.. well, don't worryy.. i'm under stress trying to do geography! which sucks.. so yeahh...

Okayy.. erm.. i'm gonna post a really long post for you guys.. which is this post.. so to warn you guys first okay! (: hahaa..

I'm gonna crap loads.. so becareful (: okayy i shall start..

I HATEEE YOUUUUU

I LIKEEE YOUUUUUU

I LOVEEE YOUUUUUU

I WANT YOUUUUUU

I NEED YOUUUUUU

I WANT TO BE IN YOUR ARMS

TOGETHER FOREVER

Is that real? together forever? nothing last forever. only memories.. let me take you back to my memories ;

I was young and stupid ... i fell in lovee with a guy that i haven't been in touch for a while.. till i've met him that day.. his eyes sparkle... his voice made my heart beat so fast.... one day, our hands just touched each others.. and my heart was beating so fast.. saying that this ain't an ordinary thing.. i didn't know what to do but i've finally came to the point when i've decided what to do.. to let him know how i feel.. and suprsingly, he said that he feels the same way as i feel towards him.. and the very first day of this relationship, we didn't actually love each other that much.. but as time goes by, the feeling seems to grow and grow.. becoming stronger each day; after a year together, it wasn't easy for me to go on anymore.. either for him; we had so many ups and downs over those times; he said he loves me, but it's all a lie.. he loved my bestfriend.. and believing it or not, my best friend was jumping in front of me that he confessed to her when she doesn't even like him; i promised her not to cry or anything.. but how am i gonna do that? and i just started walking away with tears..my friends all camae and ask me what was up with me.. i didn't let them know cause i didn't want them to do anything silly.. and soon.. they found out.. the very next day after what happen, in the morning... My bestfriend came to me and shouted at me saying that she shouldn't have told me.. and i started walking away with tears again.. everything went wrong; the sky was dark and so was my heart.. the sky just started pouring and so was my tears..i was at the stairs trying to run away from all the problems.. my two bestfriend wasn't there for me.. instead.. someone with a warm heart came to me... she helped me alot.. and i wasn't even close to her but she manage to calm me down... and the very first lesson, i was hiding myself with my jacket.. i was so quiet in the coner.. my teacher asked me whether i was okay.. and i said i was sick; and everyone stared at me cause they knew the real reason.. and they hated me; they thought i was a drama queen.. so after that day, i wasn't close to my best friend.. soon.. we became just friends and then frienemy; We didn't have much faith in each other anymore cause we just have a little faith... and the guy, he made it up to me again, and as cause i was deeply in love with him, i gave him a second chance; There was once when i wrote him a note which was just a joke. i wrote him:" hey! you and the girl next to you look so cute together.. go with her! (:" and he got angry and he told the girl next to him which was one of my friend and she got angry too.. after that, almost everyone hated me again.. and i was all alone.. i went to a place to cry.. and my friend found out where i was.. she came and comfort me telling me that sometimes he isn't worth my time.. and i told her no.. it's worth my time cause i was in love with him so deeply; when i went back to my class, almost everyone was on his side.. and everytime he blames me and put all the responsible on me.. i didn't know what to do.. and then when i told my sister, she told me he is a useless jerk.. but again.. i didn't believe her. he asked me for a third chance and again, i gave him the chance... and we were okay.. till the very last day of school.. we were off to a shopping mall for our last moments.. and when we were there, everything was messed up... and we argued.. and it was the end for us... but then he asked me again.. apologizing and me too.. and we were back.. until the new year started..he called it off.. but he didnt call it off by himself.. he asked one of our friend to let me know; and told myself.. what a silly thing to do.. and then.. the very next day of the break up, we were online and we chatted.. we were so close... he asked me whether i was okay, but i lied.. cause i know he didn't want me to be sad.. the reason of the breaking up was cause he only wanna date till a certain age..as the days went pass, our friendship was fading.. we didn't tell eachother anything like how we used to tell after the break up; we use to crap loads.. but not anymore.. and after the break up, few days later, he was in love with a girl in his school.. we aren't the same school cause i changed.. and he talks to me about the girl the whole time.. and i thought to myself.. why should i wait? so.. as i went to my school more, i thought i like this guy which is so call my best friend. but soon i realize i like him as a friend only, and i wasn't over him yet.. and i cried and cried over and over again; and everyone tells me he isnt worth my tears.. and i get it.. but there's this friend, he's been forcing me.. and that really make my heart break more.. and then.. soon.. i confessed to him.. telling him that it was a lie when i said i like someone else.. and ask him for a chance..and he didnt reply for days.. till one day.. he told me to get over him.. and asked me to find someone else if i still love him.. and i thought to myself for a second.. it's impossible to find someone as great as you.. and someone that can fix my broken heart.. the very next day, i called up a friend that was always by my side.. i called her up and ask her what does he mean by that sentence.. and we chat.. and suddenly i told myself.. he won't come back cause in life you have to face the fact and move on.. take for example..when you didn't do well in your coursework and you were fired, you can't go back and redo the whole coursework.. so.. i told myself.. i should move on.. i must..and then.. so happen there was this kid that i lay my eyes on the very first day i went in that school.. i mean i think he isn't that bad looking.. so then.. we were like hitting each other,. taking so much revenage.. and then soon. there was once when he threw something at me and it hit my head really hard and i cried in pain and he apologize, the very next day.. he asked me out.. and i didn't know what to do.. cause he was my friend's ex.and i don't wanna hurt my friend.. and so i asked her..and she said yes..and i told him i need sometime to think..and then every popluar kids just keep annoying me to accept him.. and then. the day before the last day, i said yes.. the next day, after school... he manage to fix my broken heart..he held me so hard.. and my hearbeat beat so fast.. and in my mind... i was like:" no one ever made my heartbeat so fast after what happen" and i was really happy cause i actually am over my ex.. and after those times of crying, wasting my tears.. i've found out that it's kindaa silly.. but still, i love you! but not in that way (: cause you made me strong(: ; and the only problem i'm worried is that, i've realized that i fall for players.. my ex was a player and now... the guy i'm with is also like a player.. but people says that when i was with my ex, i've changed him; the problem here is that.. i'm scared my heart is gonna shartted again =/

Well.. it's a really long post aite ?? as i warned you guys.. it's a long post.. sorry.. about branging about love story... i guess you guys are exhausted after reading that.. so i'll stop (:

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo

ashleylicious

There's always a second chance..

2009-04-20T00:52:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since we've updated.. well, so sorry about that..

Okayy.. shall we start a whole new world?

haha! random much...

So.. sienwei is enjoying KDU, she's in lovee ;

Ashley is enjoying ahem school, she's in lovee ;

One thing.. something still feels weird.. still feels wrong.. still feels.. Oh i don't knoww...

well, i don;t know.. maybe i'm taking it too fast.. maybe i'm not over it yet.. maybe i am.. i'm not sure.. i think i'm taking it too fast.. and i think i shouldn't have.. urghh.. i don't know.. but yeahh.. i do lovee him.

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo

ashleylicious

Just let me go

2009-02-17T23:52:00.000-08:00

They say we are weird and they say we are crazy.. Hell yeahh we are. that is just us!! that's the really us!! deal with it...

Thanks for the wishHUN (: apperentlyy i enjoyed it.. but pass few days i don't feel good.. i really need to talk to him.. i really need him now.. he used to tell me that he'll be there when i need him.. but now.. i need him.. wehre is he?? i can't seem to find youu..

A friend would be lovely to lend their shoulder for me to cry on now =(

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo

ashleylicious

best day.

2009-02-15T00:46:00.000-08:00

heyy ppl. !! today is Ashley 's birthday. !! haha. LOL. HAPPY 13th BIRTHDAY ASHLEYY. !! all the best to her. (: hope they had fun in today's hang out. attention !! nobody make ashley sad today arr. !! or else .. DIE. !! im serious !! haha. !! ashley is 13 now. so make sure all of you that are going hang out with her. you guys dun make her sad arr. !! hmph! or.. i will so kill you guys. !! make her smile thou out her 13 birthday . OKAY ?! Lols. Love you hun. (:

Im just a little not over you.

2009-02-13T02:49:00.000-08:00

sighh. missing you over and over again. why is this happening. ?! seeing ppl recieving gifts. so jealous till i wana cry man. hoping for gift frm you. butt.. you dont knw me. neither do I knww you. valentine day this year is gona be so hurtful. i said i GAVE up. butt. my heart is not. i just cnt accept the fact that im not even yr FRIEND. what the hell laa me. im loving someone im not. how stupid man. !! noone understans how i feel. seeing yr beloved so happy some how just makes you smile. right ? butt.. WHY ?! life's just so unfair. !! hate it laa. Happy Valentine to you then. I Love You always. (:

Let's get drunk

2009-02-08T22:33:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i try to hide.. Sometimes i try to run. But mostlyy. i've never stopped loving youu!!

People people people!! Let's get drunk man!!!!! woo-hooo.. let's get drunk and have a girls night out mae qi!!!

Forget about those idiotic guys!! they are jerk!! he is a jerk.. what does he thinks he is?? to me.. he is a player.. a DVD player.. that plays different Cd's after 2 hours!! he sucks.. !! GET A LIFE!!

Valentine's is coming!! woo-hooo.. Shea zheng and sien wei.. haha.. got tricked by me.. hahahhahahahahahahhahahah!!

Oh yeahh.. sien wei.. who took shea zheng's phone that time arh??

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo

ashleylicious

I wanna know

2009-02-06T18:17:00.000-08:00

If i say I love you and still can't get over you, will you believe me?
If i say that I know the real reason, will you tell me the truth?
If i say that we seem so far every since that day, will you think i'm crazy?
If i say that you are forever engrave in my heart, will your heart beat faster?
If i say I've moved on, will you think i'm lying?

Cause when I say that I've moved on, did you actually believe it? I'm here to let you know, I haven't got over you, Cause you show me that my life, there's something interesting, you show me that i'm not alone, you showed me the meaning of love..

I wish i could have the chance to let you know how i feel.. But whenever i wanna tell you, you have another interesting story to tell.. and it just made me feel that i shouldn't tell youu. If i right here, there's no use.. Cause you don't read anyone's blog.. I wish you could just know how i feel..

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo

ashleylicious

thanks !

2009-02-01T22:10:00.000-08:00

haha. well.. okayy laa. tell you guys who we are laa. haha. Sien Wei here blogging. thanks ashleyy for making this blog so NEW. haha. not joking. !! Lols. butt.. my pic at the top one look so EMO. !! haha. anyways, nice laa.. ashleyy wrote abt our friends dy. butt. she dint write her self. !! =.="
nvm.. let me do this part . Ashley is a wonderful girl. (: she's lovely; caring; understanding & lastly .. pretty. Lols. agree everyone ? haha. ashleyy. let's hv a chat box kayy ? I go putt. let ppl comment our blog. :p

ytd zheng's party was "okayy".. Nick was so "MAN" dy. his voice chng alot. haha. hot arr ? err.. not yet laa. mayb if he play more basketball gua. then maybe laa. haha. nick. take our advice. ! haha. hmm.. boring-nya. online no body lerr.. sad laa. kayy ba. gtg. byes ! (:

waiting for the one right to right me over the rainbow.

Sien Wei (:

I just wanna sit and stare at you

2009-01-31T21:17:00.000-08:00

Helloo Peeps!! we decided not to play games with you guys any more..

I'm ashley blogging here!! (: cerdits to Sein wei for making the blog perfect..

What should i blog about? Shall i blog about my dearest friends??

Yesterdayy, wan yin celebrated my birthdayy with me.. so sweet..

okayyy.. stick to the topic!!

Sien wei: Funny, kind, pretty,loving her!

Carin: Hyper partner,pretty, funny, kind, always love her!
Ser lyn: Cute, pretty,funny, kind,never will forget her

Samantha:Cute,funny, kind, easy-going, never will i forget her in my life

Yew fei:Funny,cute,good in basketball, will not forget the memories he gave me

Nick teh: Hot,funny,hyper,will not forget him

Zheng yang: Cute, Funny,"poor",easy-going, friendsforever dude!

Shea zheng: Funny,over-reacter,my grandad, never will forget his advices

So yeahh.. these are the greatest.. there are some more.. for example: tane, ch'ng xin, poh yee, samee,caridee, collin, sean,adrian..

Ashley signing off

Tata

xoxo

ashleylicious

Second post of the day

2008-12-19T02:34:00.000-08:00

hey! it's the second post of the day. we are just so bored.. so we shall give you some more hot news!!

the first news is that i'm in love with a guy!! second is that i'm crazy!! third.. i love this blog so much.. haha..!!

we are gonna have a sleepover soon!! but i.. would love to say it as slumber party (: it's so way nicer (: and oh yeah.. we had a sad case today!! pityy pityy. we wished we could help but it's too riskyy..!! so bye!!

sighh..

2008-12-18T21:27:00.000-08:00

sorry guys. long time din blog jorr. hehe. ^^ hmm.. skl gona start soon. hope everything cn start frm the beginning. start all over. (in a good way laa ofcuz). lols. sighh.. nw holidays so damn fweaking boring. hmm?? what to do? i wana go out!! i wan to sleepover!! Merry Christmas guys!!
good luck to all. ! :)

Some say love is like a flower

2008-12-07T06:05:00.000-08:00

If i say i love you,
will you believe me?
If i ask you to accet me,
will you accpet me?
tell me,
have you ever have this weird feeling?

Some say love is like a river,

never ending river,

till you wanna stop the river..

Will you throw me away,
just for another person?
tell me will you?
do you know how my feelings towards you are?
tell me,
do you?

You had me falling for you,

And it never would've gone away,

You used to shine so bright ,

But I watched all of it fade...

So you don't have to call anymore,

I won't pick up the phone,

This is the last straw,

Don't wanna hurt anymore,

And you can tell me that you're sorry,

But I don't believe you,

Like I did before...

You're not sorry..

You don't have to call me anymore,

each time i'm trying to move on...

You make the loneliness,

All just disappear..

Nothing replaces your touch,

Never stop believing in us..

They try to break us,

But we stand strong in love..

Am i in love again? am i in love with another person?am i?? i think maybe i'm not in love again.. i think that i'm happy that i've moved on... but i have this weird feeling that i'm in love with some guy but i don't know who he is.. i can't find out who he is..it's like. i can feel his soul beside me.. but i don't know who he is... i need to find out.. it's so difficult to find out.. could it be happening that i'm in love with someone i don't even know who he is yet.. just his soul..it's just so weird.. this is my first time having this feelings..

sobz. I damn hate you. DAMN!

2008-12-02T04:23:00.000-08:00

sighh. why like tat?! haiyo~~ i damn f***ing hate you la idiot! u've hurt "her" so damn much. do you knw?! N.O... i seriously don understand guys. why must they be like tat? HUH??!! why they always dun keep thier promises wan!!! why all guys have to make us girls so hurt; so dissapointed. why must you all gv us tears?!!! W-H-Y ??!!!! please la. stop doing tat. v hate it you knw!!! siah ben jing!! espeacially you. you've chng so damn much. you've hurt "her". bt she din even say a word abt it!! coz she cr's abt you feeling. even if you wana go for another girl. cn you dun chng your additude?!!? you bcame so LC you knw? always thk yuo & tane is the best couple. go die larr! .... speachless la. !

you've changed

2008-11-28T23:01:00.000-08:00

you know what? you two "sweet couple" changed!! i prefer you to be with the old gf!! you know whyy!! cause you've changed, she've changed!! urghhh!! you piss the hell out of me.. urgh.. you think you two so sweet meh?you two don't look sweet to me!!

I NOW HATE YOU!! BUT I WON'T TELL YOU!! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!

Hot&cold

2008-11-27T01:49:00.000-08:00

omg.. whyy must you ask me to accept you? some more we were suppose to enjoy our trip.. suddenlyy you sms me some stupid ass questions.. you know that i still love..... why must you ask? you say that to every girl you know.. ask them to accept you. when will you know what the hell is love.. and not play boy la..!! stupid ass hole!!

you know.. i always thought that you two look so cute together... but when i see youuu... i talk to youu... or whatever.. it isn't the samae.. you aren't the same.. you've changed.. you think that he really love you? ya maybe.. but he hurt my friend. why dont you understand? maybe you are blind by love.. i've always wanted to tell youu.. but then i know you'll get hurt.. so what the hell la.. i'll let you be.. i won't tell youu that i really feel that!!!

you are my best friend.. but then.. you've changed.. changed alot.!!! i thought that you will forever be yourself.. but when you two coupled.. you suddenlyy become not you!! when will you ever understand? jeezzzzz!! you make me wanna puke at youu.. that's all la.!! talk so much already..!!! just think about it..!!think

sighh..

2008-11-22T05:25:00.001-08:00

my dear .. i so agree ~!!! your's a jerk.. mine too ~!!! stupid .. ! ass hole .. ! sowie.. cnt tell hu is it.. if nt.. you guys sure knw hu v are.. Lol. I hate them man !!! y they hav to treat us lyk this ?!?
HUH.. ?!?! did v did anything wrong ??!?! i dont thk so .. iisshh ~~ I tot i saw forever in ur eyes when i saw u crying for me.. bt i was wrong !.. coz everything is jz a dream.. u said im HOT..
& u'll neva find another.. coz im the PERFECT one.. end up ?? u're wiv another gurl.. & u oso call her HOT.. & PERFECT !!.. what the Fck ??!?!?!! u made me had no more trust in Love.. nt anymr.. !! never.. sighh.. I HATE YOU !! i'll never forgv you .. !

you suck you suck he suck he suck

2008-11-19T00:29:00.000-08:00

he's a jerk.. you're a stupid ass hole jerk.. you son of a bitch.. wooo-hoooo..
hyper?
no offense..you suck like hell.. you playboyy..
DVD PLAYER la.. hahaaha(:
hyper like shit.. cause actuallyy i'm drunk and
plus.. i'm like shouting and jumping up and down
and like.. poof.. suddenlyy got tears..

You'll never know what's LOVE....
i hate you i hate you..
i love you i love you..
i hate you i hate you..
i love you i love you..

you don;t even know what is the meaning of L-O-V-E!!
all you know is P-L-A-Y-B-O-Y!!!

fuck you la.. get the hell out of my life...

I hate you ~~!!!!

2008-11-12T01:17:00.001-08:00

WE HATE YOU FOREVER!!!!!

NEVER WILL WE FORGIVE YOU!!

THINK WE'LL BE YOUR FRIEND?

THINK AGAIN!!

WE HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!

haha.. xD

2008-11-08T21:55:00.000-08:00

yupp.. try 2 guess us.. haha.. xD sowie so long din update.. Lol. I loved the name so much weih.. Young Heart.. Lol. hmm.. tat day .. v all gt de std 6 pics.. haizz.. tat day was the most .. most.. most.. "re nao" wan man.. haha.. everyone let each other sign.. hmm..so fun at tat time.. bt all our hand oso pain dy .. Lol. haizz.. sighh.. dis friday gona "bi ye" dy .. so sad weih .. so gona miss you guys .. !! bt .. oso .. sad for someone..she goin japan.. haizz..
dun worry dear.. you'll nvr been forgoten.. :)

the first of the blog

2008-11-03T02:25:00.000-08:00

okay. wondering who's blog does this belongs to? you'll find out soon.. cause you'll know one.. trust me.. i'll give you a hint :p i know ashley ng very well.. and sien wei too;; still don't know? well. you'll know sooner or later :P byes